I'm Batman.
Yesterday evening, I spent a long tiring time chasing Penguin and his goons through the Arkham City museum in Gotham. I had to silently take out his thugs, one by one, to rescue their cop hostages. I had to avoid the shark (a shark! I had to punch out a shark!) lurking in the frozen monsters from the deep exhibition to find where Mr. Freeze was being held hostage by Cobblepot. Once I'd found Freeze, I needed to try and get the antidote I need from him. Then I needed to battle past the giant one-armed psychopath with the scythe to get to the Penguin. Finally, I needed to get past a drug-enraged Solomon Grundy and work out how to disable Penguin's freeze gun to deliver the knock-out blow.
All of that was fine.
You know what really upset me?
When I reached Penguin, he tossed insults at me as I tried to get close enough to him. Okay. To be expected from a master criminal, I suppose. I'm a big, grown-up superhero. I can handle that kind of stuff.
....and then he called me a wanker.
WTF?
As I died shortly afterwards, I had another chance to listen and see if my ears were deceiving me. Nope. He definitely called me a wanker. Even as I took him down, I was outraged.
A wanker? Me? Seriously? What on earth is the world coming to where diminutive super villains can abuse the Dark Knight like this? Who does he think he is? Who does he think I am?
I love this game. I've been playing for hours and I'm something like 12% of the way through.
Tonight, I will be on the trail of the League of Assassins in an attempt to get a blood sample from Ras al Ghul.
I am 37 years old.
Eat my shorts.
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Also this evening, I learned how to tie a proper bow tie. Badly, I admit.... but I learned (thanks lovely Charles!). Luckily, my clever wife learned faster and more effectively than me, and we should be able to make me look half-respectable for the ball we're going to tomorrow night. Well, the tie might look half-respectable, anyway.
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