he has a powerful weapon....

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Earworms of the Week

Only me this week, I'm afraid, but I've got a headful to tunes from my week off that I desperately need to unload onto you.

If you're of a nervous disposition, probably best if you look away now.

10) "Such a Small Love" - Scott Walker

"Someone should have stopped the birds from singing today,
Hammers from striking nails into clay"

A combination of *that* voice and a song about loss. Gets me every time. Beautiful record.

9) "Ugly" - Sugababes

This is one of those songs that C. asked me to download that otherwise would not be a part of my iTunes library. Do you know what though? This is a cracking little song, and how can you not approve of a tune with this kind of sentiment in it:

"People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
My personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
So are you"

Isn't that a better and more empowering message than anything P.Diddy has managed to date?

8) "Celebrity Tarzan"

I've recently re-tuned the radios in the bathroom and in the kitchen from BBC Five Live (a talk based news and sport station) to BBC Radio One. The playlist has improved so much over the last few years, that I have re-discovered the simple pleasure of listening to a good tune in the shower. The Zane Lowe show is also a good place for discovering new bands and new material by old favourites (earlier this week he gave the new Morrissey single its world premiere). Sad to say I also quite like Chris Moyles. His persona is that of a fat, loud, sexist lad - but he plays reasonable music, he's the same age as me, and we share the same cultural reference points. This is a jingle to a silly game on the show where you hear a clip of some famous person doing a Tarzan call, and you have to guess who they are. It's not a great game, but it has the most ferociously catchy tune with the stupidest lyrics.

Hear it here.

"...This game's so fun, so marzipan
If you can guess who is our celebrity Tarzan..."

I've been singing this on and off for weeks.

Arrggghhh!

7) "Batya" - The Ukranians

A cover of "Bigmouth Strikes Again" by The Smiths, in Ukranian. Genius.

(and thanks again to foxy for the MP3s)

6) "Life Becoming A Landslide" - Manic Street Preachers

"Gold Against the Soul" isn't the best album this lot have ever done, and tends to be a bit over-produced. This song is a little cracker though.

5) "Jonny Briggs"

The theme tune to a long lost children's TV programme from my youth. This one is never far from my lips, and usually leads to a spontaneous trombone impersonation (everyone thinks that they can do a good air trombone, just like everyone thinks they can do a good impression of Michael Caine or can trumpet like an elephant. In almost all cases, they are wrong.)

You're trying one of them now, aren't you?

Listen to the theme tune here and have a go.

British people of a certain age will get all nostalgic now, and start thinking about Rentaghost, Jamie & the Magic Torch and the like.

4) "Wicked Soul" - Kubb

I went to see this lot the other week, and gave them a so-so review. I've been listening to the album in the car since then (until it was usurped by the new Belle & Sebastian album this week). It's really growing on me.

3) "The Art Teacher" - Rufus Wainwright

A lovely, lovely record by a fantastic talent. It's about getting a crush on your teacher. Beautiful (the song, not my art teacher.... Mr.McKillop was no picture, I can assure you)

2) "Chocolate Salty Balls" - Chef

The next couple of songs are ones that I genuinely found myself singing out loud as I was skiing last week - on the chairlifts, as I went down the slopes... wherever. This one needs to be sung in your best Isaac Hayes voice, or else it just won't work.

"Say everybody have you seen my balls?
They're big and salty and brown
If you ever need a quick Pick-me-up
Just stick my balls in your mouth!
Ooh, suck on my chocolate salty balls,
Stick em in your mouth and suck em!
Suck on my Chocolate Salty balls
they're packed full of vitamins, and good for you,
So suck on My balls!"

Childish I know.

I bet the French loved this record, and I bet they loved hearing a tall English bloke singing it to them on their mountain.

1) "The Man With the Golden Gun" - Lulu

So here's my theory: there's lots of skiing in Bond films. I was skiing.

Ergo Lulu.

Another good one for baffling the French. The only obvious downside is that you then find yourself suddenly going

"WEEEEEEE-EEEE-EEEEE-EEEEEL.... you know it makes me want to SHOUT" etc.

Not good.

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More 'worms next week.

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FRIDGES!