I guess there was just no way of knowing

I discovered this over at troubled diva, and I naturally found it impossible to resist.

Simply stick your iPod player on "shuffle" and let it become your own personal oracle by answering the following questions:

1. What do you think of me?

"Boys Don't Cry (Acoustic)" - The Cure

'I would tell you that I loved you
If I thought that you would stay
But I know that it's no use
That you've already gone away'

Well, I do still love you iPod, I really do. You have nothing to worry about. Or are you trying to tell me that you think I'm a cry-baby?

2. Will I have a happy life?

"MIA" - Foo Fighters

'Say goodbye to me
I'm going MIA'

Dammit. That's a bit vague isn't it? Could you be a bit more specific? I'm thinking that this might be a no. Dave Grohl doesn't sound too happy, anyway.

3. What do my friends *really* think of me?

"Guns Don't Kill People, Rappers Do" - Goldie Lookin' Chain

Ah, they love me? Right?

'Shot to death outside Hyper Value,
Guns blazin like Michael Caine in Zulu'

Wrong: they want to kill me.

4. What does my Significant Other think of me?

"There She Goes Again" - The Velvet Underground

'Now take a look, there’s no tears in her eyes
She won’t take it from just any guy, what can you do'

Right. Well that's pretty bad. Oh, there's more?

'You see her walkin’ on down the street
Look at all your friends she’s gonna meet'

Are you implying she's seeing other people?

'You better hit her'

What? Get outta here! For starters, she'd hit me back. Harder.

5. Do people secretly lust after me?

"Mad Man" - The Hives

'mad, mad, mad'

That's a no then?

6. How can I make myself happy?

"Runnin' on Empty" - Jackson Browne

'Gotta do what you can just to keep your love alive
Trying not to confuse it with what you do to survive'

Um. Great, but I don't really know what that means. Are you sure you're a qualified life coach?

7. What should I do with my life?

"What Have I Done To Deserve This?" - Pet Shop Boys

'You always wanted a lover
I only wanted a job
I’ve always worked for my living'

Taking a lover, or taking a job. Um. Let me think.....is that really a difficult choice?

'We don’t have to fall apart, we don’t have to fight
(What have i, what have i, what have I done to deserve this?)
We don’t need to go to hell and back every night
(What have i, what have i, what have I done to deserve this?)'

Now there's a philosophy for life, eh?

8. Why must life be so full of pain?

"Vamos" - The Pixies

'Estaba pensando sobreviviendo con mi sister en New Jersey,
Ella me dijo que es una vida buena alla,
Bien rica bien chevere, Y voy! Puneta!'

Ah. I see.

9. What advice can you give me?

"Synthesiser" - Electric Six

'You can laugh you can cry
You can live you can die
Spend your days asking why?
But you can't ignore my techno'

What can you say to that?

'You can trip on my
You can trip on my
You can trip on my
You can trip
You can trip
You can trip on my synthesizer
You can trip on my synthesizer
Let's go'

Right on!

10. What do you think true happiness is?

"What Do You Want From Me?" - Monaco

'What do you want from me?
It's not how it used to be
You've taken my life away
Ruining everything'

Ah, miserable paranoia - of course!

11. Will I die happy?

"True Faith" - New Order

I never really understood what this song was all about. All that stuff about morning suns and days never coming. Nonsense. Will I die happy? Who knows! I doubt it depends on my interpretation of these lyrics though. In fact, if I look at them any more I think I might just die now.

----

So what has this exercise taught me?

That my iPod knows nothing (and that you can't ignore my techno).

Whose stupid idea was it to ask it questions in the first place?

----

[bookshelves please!]